never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
