You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
