we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
