I have demons in me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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