i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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