Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
