and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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