K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
