i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
