...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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