Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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