I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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