You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
