i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sacagawea was the original milf.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
