the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
