; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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