Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
