well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
