I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
