He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you didnt know i had herpes?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
