Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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