I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
