Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
