So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
