Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
