let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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