If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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