He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
