For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
