Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
