He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
