I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
