So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
