I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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