He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
