I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
