This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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