And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
