dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
