You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
soo... how was my night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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