My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
