i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
