It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Boobs are out for the taking
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
