Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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