I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
