dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
