she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
