Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
