You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
