you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
