No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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