I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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