Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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