If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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